If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
