I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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