I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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