If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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