we have officially lost it.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
