when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
