dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize