The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
