Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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