is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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