I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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