I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
