Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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