dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize