we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
