we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
