Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
