Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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