can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
