I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
