i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
