We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
