I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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