I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
