On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i think i just lost a toe
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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