the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
