So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
