just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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