oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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