he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
