I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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