Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
