I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
