You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
