Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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