there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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