Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
