Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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