whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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