once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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