dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
