You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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