His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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