Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're facebook friends in real life
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
