HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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