Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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