someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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