I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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