whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
