Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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