this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
