my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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