The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
