I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
