You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
