There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
