Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
